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Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
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7:19 pm - Hello May 2006...
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It's Been 2 years.
And there's so much stuff that goes on that is not worth mentioning.
And the things of significance are too much to tell.
I'm walking 3 miles a day now.
Deciding to live every morning.
Live. For something.
Live.
People are the most important thing in life.
I've ruined alot of good things with people I love.
And it's hard to find your way back when you've gone so far that you don't have anything to say other than I'm sorry.
Where to start?
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| Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
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9:33 am
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Havn't posted here in forever... posting FAR more frequently on the xanga... it's just so much easier to use!
To hear from me on a regular basis check here...
My Xanga Journal
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| Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
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4:10 pm - Hmmm.....
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| Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
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10:36 am - Astrology
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Today will be a crabby day.
So it's been a little while since I've actually written in this journal. So today is a depressed day. I hate being sick. And I have a tendency to be sick. I read that Virgos are in charge of the nervous system, and because they are uptight they tend to be sick with 'nervous diseases'. I don't believe in Astrology, I think there are characteristics in every profile that fit every person. So someone goes "Oh My Gawd, they know! How do they know I Can be self centered?" Well, the answer dear lies in the fact that most people really are just that, self centered. Astrology character profiles also tend to be flattering, so people latch onto the flattering "description" of themselves, wanting to claim that since they happened to be born during a certain time, they are "bohemian and imaginative" or "Natural leaders" etc. It's nice to be told there are all these things that you're a part of, cuz it brings a sense of self and belonging. It's all crap. I don't control small animals(which according to my astrology profile, I do). I find little dogs to be annoying. And if anyone knows me, I do not have the genuine characteristic of a Virgo, which is being anal about order. If anyone has seen my car... they can testify to the fact that order and I just don't mesh.
Back to the original statement about virgos and nervous systems etc. Though I do not think it is because I happened to be born during the virgo cycle, I do happen to be a bit on the nervous side. Not visibly, but inside I worry in general about alot of things. IT can get pretty bad. I get paranoid about silly things that are inconsequential. And maybe, just maybe, it's been affecting my health.
And there is something to be said about "self fulfilled prophecy" which basically means, if you tell yourself it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. Like if I say to myslef "I'm probably gonna suck" then actually, I probably will. Even if according to other's standards I do fine, I will somehow find a way to make it true that I sucked. And Vice versa. So maybe I just need to tell myself that I will nip this thing in the bud and fight it til it goes away and I am restored to health. Maybe...
I think I'm going back to bed.
BTW, I miss my Lyssie like crazy! CRAZY I TELL YOU! GEESH!
Also, I've been posting alot more on my other site, which is xange. If anyone cares to view it,
(My xanga journal)
current mood:  crabby bob
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| Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
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1:05 pm
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The phrase "Thou Shalt Not" was never actually in the musical "The Ten Commandments"...yet it happens to be all overt their advertising merchandise... hmmm....
Saw the show because Kelly is AMAZING and let me come along with her...for free! (Yay for three hours of traffic, being there in the nick of time, and eating the sandwich bought due to starvation-in the middle of the show.) This show is...well... a Las Vegas production of a poorly written operetta. Here's a sample of the lyrics..."He's gotta die. He's gotta die. He's gotta die. He's gotta die. He's gotta die....He's gotta die..." yeah. Original and creative. I can't count the number of times moses sang "let my people go" and I can't measure on a scale of one to ten how bad Lauren Kennedy was. Her CD is great. Seen her twice on stage (Both as Fantine in Les Mis and as Nephertiti in X) and she has no presence. NONE. As for Val Kilmer...the man is not a singer. He does have a nice deep resonance that with an excellent vocal coach he could learn to harness, and be able to endure a whole show. I saw this show and said to myself... I WILL write a better one. My level of confidence in my creative abilities has skyrocketed!
Biggest problem of the show...it's attempt to remove God and religion as much as possible from the story. I know the story very well... and I was confused by the vague lyrics and choppy order of songs. Note to future writers...when writing a story out of the bible...don't attmpt to remove the core of the whole thing. That's what the show was...a story without a core. There was no heart. Which leads me to point out the obvious question...without God, is there a point to anything?
current mood: annoyed
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| Thursday, September 30th, 2004
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11:28 am - Poll...
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| Friday, September 24th, 2004
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8:14 am - stealing ideas from Georgia...sort of...
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Last night my friend Aubrey and I were in conversation and it suddenly took a turn for the...whatever.
Aubrey: yada yada yada...blah blah blah...Hello
Me:(Whistfully) all I could say was hello
Aubrey: It was the closest thing to heaven...I was looking up...
Me:You were there...
Aubrey: Oh my god, we are sad. I can't believe we just quoted that movie.
Me: Why is that sad?
Aubrey: Because we're just like the girls in romantic comedies.
Me: Oh. well... that's a good thing because the girls in romantic comedies always get great guys!
Aubrey: That's true...but look at all the crap they have to go through to get those guys...
Me: We've already gone through enough crap. We're at the end.
Aubrey: Ummm... maybe
Me: We're quoting An Affair To Remember We're in the middle of our movie at least don't you think? We've GOTTA be!
current mood:  optimistic
current music: I Won't Dance~ Jane Monheit and Michael Buble
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| Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
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1:37 pm - tired
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School commenced officially about three weeks ago.. here's what's goin on...
YAY: TAP CLASS! SO much fun. Who knew? Even if I'm not the best tapper, I still get a kick out of it! (absolutely pun intended)
BOO: Terrible achy blisters I'm praying will heal before Monday. Not to self... wear socks with tap shoes.
YAY: New friends.
BOO: old habits that WON't DIE!
YAY: awesome time teaching kids dance moves on Wed. night at Church
BOO: having cd player and tape adaptor stolen from car in church parkinglot...
YAY: My parents to the rescue (My DADDY is awesome!) who bought me a new one!
current mood:  caffinated
current music: I Won't Dance ~ on Jane Monheit's Takin a Chance on Love
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| Thursday, September 9th, 2004
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12:48 pm - ch-ch-ch-changes
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| Monday, August 30th, 2004
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1:32 am - Gotta Give it up...
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Worry sucks the big one. I constantly find myself looking for things to worry about. Why? I worry about thing's I've done, things I havn't done, things I can't do, shouldn't do, wouldn't do...I worry about things that I have absolutely no control over. I worry about things that don't even affect my life or anyone I know. I am a self-confessed worry wart. You'd think there's a 12 step program for stuff like this. Well I can shorten it. There's really only two steps necessecary. 1) Realize what I'm doing. 2) Let God have it. I really really have been hit by this recently...
We make such a big deal of giving our gifts and talents to God. Sure, I can do that. It's not the easiest thing in the world necessarily (Me being the prideful little thing that I am) but I get it. And after doing it constantly it can become a bit of a habit. What I forget...What is just as vital...God want's my faults too.
"Here I stand
Knowing that I'm your desire
sanctified by glory and fire
He desires all of me. ALL. Worry warts included. I (quite foolishly) don't give that stuff up too willingly. It's emberassing. Imagine,...I'm trying to save face in front of God. (yes, exasperated sigh) I want to be the big girl and fix it up at least a little so I can come with something to the table.
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed but alive in your hands
The thing is, I have nothing. I am clinging to nothing. I try to hold onto nothing, leaving me nothing left to grab onto Jesus with. my arms are too full of stuff I'm trying to fix, when the master and creator of the universe wants it. He's just standing there, waiting. Saying "Are you sure you want to hold onto that? Because I did an awful lot of stuff just to carry that for you." I have to give it to him. It's pointless to try and hide it, because he knows anyway. And how foolish and prideful am I to hold onto that, instead of taking what's been offered to me all along. All it requires is abandon.
I who have nothing, am the Lord'y desire. He desires me. He desires me, just as I am.
current mood:  foolish
current music: Majesty
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| Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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11:55 pm - Congrats...
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YAY for VENESSA Lynn Griffith for her nomination by the Inland Theatre League for her performance in the boyfriend!
Yay for Greg Nabours who has double nominations for the role of Javert and musical direction of Annie
Yay for the whole crowd at In The Company who are nominated for HELLO DOLLY!
Congratulations to all my buds who have been nominated!
To see the list click here!
http://www.inlandtheatre.org/awards.html
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11:54 pm - On my mind
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Luke 12:48
But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.
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| Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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1:45 am - Stole this from Erin...cuz. That's it. Do I need A resaon?
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I WANT: a puppy
I HAVE: great friends
I WISH: upon stars when I think no one's looking
I MISS: my innosence
I FEAR: Anything that swims that is bigger than a dolphin. (Yes, killer whales especially. They're called KILLER whales for a reason folks!)
I HEAR: music constantly...even when there's none playing.
I WONDER: If someday I'll adopt kids, even if I'm not married... What people are really thinking behind the eyes...
I REGRET: not taking chances because of insignificant insecurities
I LOVE: people
I ACHE: for New York.
I ALWAYS: perform
I AM NOT: an enginue
I DANCE: in the rain, and in the car.
I SING: constantly...even to the annoyance of those around me.
I CRY: alone. I hate people to see me cry.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: on time...please don't expect that from me. I may be late, but if you can just wait I will make it eventually...
I WRITE: infrequently, not enough
I WIN: staring contests
I LOSE: my keys far too frequently
I CONFUSE: people when I talk too fast.
I SHOULD: go to bed...
THREE THINGS YOU ARE OFTEN COMPLMENTED FOR: my voice, my maturity, my hair.
WHAT UPSETS YOU: People who are stupid on purpose. ignorance, lemmings... grrr....
YOU KEEP A DIARY: when I feel sentimental, when I feel romantic, when I'm bored
YOU LIKE TO COOK: baked goods, pasta
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: What? Maybe... I'd say, but then I'd have to kidnap you and drop you off in Greenland.
YOU SET YOUR WATCH A FEW MINUTES AHEAD: 10.
YOU BITE YOUR FINGERNAILS: Ugh...yes.
YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: Absolutely. It's why we exist! Just listen to the rythm of the heart...
Do You...?
take a shower everyday: yes, for the good of society
have a(any) crush(es): I am currently crush free.
think you've been in love: No. Not yet... not in any hurry...
want to get married: Yeah... someday
have any tattoos/where?: no.
piercings/where?: two in each ear.
get motion sickness: depends on the weekday, and time, and weather...sometimes.
think you're a health freak: not even close.
WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK Of
Ryan: my first boyfriend
Rob: schneider
Drew: Barrymore
Stephanie: Griffith
Aaron: Copeland
Amy: Bloom
Paul: Rudd
Eve: The name I'm giving my gaughter someday. (Evelyn)
John: 1st John 4, 7 and 8
Alex: my mom's piano students
Justin: Guarini...where did you go?
Ricky: my cat
SCREEN NAMES: TinkorBelle
SIGN: Virgo
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: Dark-medium brown
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: same
EYE COLOR: green-brown hazel
( FAVORITES )
NUMBER: 9. That was a good year...
COLOR: I always say white, because it's the combination of all colors, and black because it's the absence of color.
DAY: Wed. (Yay small group!)
MONTH: December
SONG: "You're just too good to be true..." sung by Frankie Valley
FOOD: Can't possibly choose...brain overload...and it only makes me hungry!
SEASON: Winter
DRINK: hmmm...I'm gonna go with water. Lame...maybe.
( PREFERENCES )
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT? Well...the pickins for makeout partners is pretty slim. So I'm gonna go with cuddling...in a non-sexual sense.
MAD HOT SEX? (places hands over ears and hums) I can't hear you!
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? Chocolate milk!
DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? Milk Chocolate.
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? Vanilla.
( IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU.... )
CRIED? nope.
HELPED SOMEONE? drove my dad's car to Los Angelas to return rental.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? no...starving college student and all...
GONE TO THE MOVIES? Argh...no.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? Yes...Marie Callendars in Bakersfield.
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? Yep.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? Not yet...
TALKED TO AN EX? ha ha...ha ha ha.... I'm sorry, what?
MISSED AN EX? huh huh...still giggling.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? YEP!
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? Nope
MISSED SOMEONE? Yes...my friend Jessica in Virginia! Whaaa!
HUGGED SOMEONE? Yes
KISSED SOMEONE: yep.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? nope
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? nope
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| Monday, August 16th, 2004
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12:00 am - The Corn is as high as a elephant's eye...
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While visiting my Pake and Beppa (Grandpa and Grandma in Dutch) there are moments that find myself thinking..."Am I crazy, cuz that just sounded like a cow!" and then I stop in my tracks and give myself the dunce award, because it WAS a cow. Pake and Beppa live on a dairy-farm in Modesto. (I just attribute the ditzy spells to my artistic nature...yes. I'm artsy, it's not stupidity, it's the flip side of genius.) "Where the heck is Modesto?" you might ask. Ah...well. Modesto is the little gem of a town that is full cows, and corn. There are Almond trees, and Corn fields, and horses, and corn fields, and sheep and corn fields, and corn fields. Forget Kansas, if you really want to see corn, just travel about 6hrs. Northwest of Riverside, and you will experience more corn then you thought possible (With the exception of the Princess Diaries sequel...more on that later)
Modesto is: The cowboy capitol of the western states. It is about twenty minutes away from where George Lucas grew up...Oakdale.(which is the city American Graffiti is set.) And it is where one can find entertainment in.. tipping cows, riding fourwheelers, shooting anything, and looking at the beautiful corn fields.
Confession time: I don't mind the dairy smell. It's actually sentimental to me...because it means Pake and Beppa. Whenever we drove through Norco on the bus, all my peers would wrinkle their noses and sneer at the putrid stench accosting their senses. I however, closed my eyes, and I could see my grandparent's dairy. Call me foolish, but I am just that romantic, I can even romance the smell of Cowcrap.
It really is good to see my Grandparents again. With College and show schedules being incongruent with my family's vacation plans so often, I missed alot of trips up here to see them. My Pake and I havn't always gotten along so well, so it didn't bother me. But sitting here as I type, I can hear him coughing in the room next to this-just another reminder of his failing health. Seeing him deteriorate in stamina gives me a new perspective on the frailty and the gift of life. He's always been such a go-getter. He doesn't believe in retirement, and at 80, still goes out almost every day to sit on a trctor. He was always mister social, and controlled every conversation when I was growing up. In so many ways, he's been this invincible force... til recently. He had an emergency surgery this past month, and the wound isn't healing properly, causing him pain. His hearing is failing him, and impairing his ability to keep up in group discussions. I sit and watch his face as he sits with this look of...I don't know...loss. Loss of the opportunity to be a part of things. Loss of his spark. I can almost see him contemplating his own deterioration. It breaks my heart. I suddenly feel guilty for every wasted opportunity to spend time with my loved ones, especially my older relatives.
With the loss of my Grandpa last year, the one thing I felt the most at the funeral in Idaho was out of place. Like the people there deserved to grieve more than I, his granddaughter, because they knew him more than I. He lived far away, and I really didn't get to travel much...but that's really no excuse. I think I'll call my Grandma tomorrow. I can't feel like that again.
current mood:  gloomy
current music: Rogers and Hammerstien's Oklahoma
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| Friday, August 13th, 2004
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7:18 am - time after time
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So... this is how it works.
"We're leaving at 4am." my father announces to the family.
But the thing is, we don't. And We won't, and I know this. We'll sleep until it's too late, decide it's just better to sleep anyway, and instead spend the heat of the day, on the road! So knowing this, I suggest we leave as soon as we pick up the rental minivan(Which has NO luggage space!Grrr...) so we don't have the chance to sleep too late. "That's the plan then." My dad says. And like the foolish foolish child I am, I believe that IS the plan.
'Cept it's not. We return with the minivan at midnight, all our stuff is packed, and ready to go..."Sleep for TWO hours, then we'll leave." Says my father. "And I'll wake you up when it's time to go." I don't know why I thought this time would be different... I don't know why I believed him... because the inevitable occurred. It is now after 7 am, the rest of my family is asleep, and I've already gone and woken them up to say..."LOOK, WE OVER SLEPT!" To which the response was a grunt, and roll in the bed. So now I sit fuming and beside myself over the wasted time!!!!! (Oh to have an island...where I could just be...hmm....island...)
Creativity is interesting...I have sooo many ideas in my head that sometimes I'm a little afraid to try them all. Not because they're scary things to do, but because I don't want them to just be any mediocre(How the heck do you spell that word? Mediocra? that's not right...I may have a massive vocabulary when in discussion, but ask me to write it down, and I'm screwed.)...as I was saying...mediocre creative endeavor by just some person. No. I have grand aspirations for the things I want to do...grand indeed. The biggest problem when your imagination is unleashed, is that mine is so big, I can't just want to do one type of thing. I have a bajillion things I want to do. So I suppose the only solution is to become wildly successful at everything. Yes. It Shall be! Mark my words...on second thought...don't.
I really want to see Garden State however there is the issue that I am broke as a...well, a starving student. Only I'm not starving... far from it... hmm...
http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/gardenstate/
Check it out. Read Zach Braff's blog...hilarioso.
SEACREST OUT!!!!!
current mood:  artistic
current music: Doris Day...anything.
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| Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
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11:04 am - Ah summer....
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It's now August. My birthday month!!! Yay yay yay in a big big way!
Saw The Village last night: Not as frightening as Shyamalan's other blockbusters, but an interesting concept executed rather well. Granted I was able to guess the outcome of the events in film before they occurred. He gave more clues this time, that were easier to figure out than before. Like in Signs, the discussions of fate vs. chance were huge clues that you didn't get until the moment they were revealed. The Village runs in a similar vane to Unbreakable to me because I did the same thing with that film by guessing the outcome. The Sixth Sense was ruined for me by my drama teacher who basically went around yelling "I can't believe he was already dead! I should have known!"
The cast was stellar- you couldn't be on that set and stretch without touching an oscar nominee or winner. Joaquin Phoenix was (as always) breath taking in his performance. Intense and captivating, he fabulously delivers probably one of the most romantic monologues I've ever heard, brought me to tears. I have great expectations for him, and he never disapoints. William Hurt is another favorite. Listening to this guy act is the best part. His voice is so expressive.
But the one who stole the show was the hat trick M. Night pulled by taking a chance on an unknown kid: Bryce Dallas Howard (Who Shyamalan cast without an audition). Miss Howard proved she needs no more assistance from her father's name, and is startlingly heart-wrenching in her performance. From all I can garner, this was her first role in a major motion picture (with the exception of the little who girl in Grinch) and her raw talent threatens to overtake the whole film. The great impression was made when she was on screen with Phoenix and kept my focus on her... not Joaquin. That's impressive. Watching and waiting to see what the little powerhouse of talent does next. It's almost enough to make me want to pack up and just transfer to NYU's Tisch school of arts, student loans be damned!
My life:
Yay: Summer
Boo: Jessica leaving soon to go across the country and leave me all alone...
Yay: the stories we'll create due to reliance on internet creativity... don't ask.
Boo: Relatives staying on my bed in my room and forcing me to massively overhaul to make everything child-proof.
Yay: clean room
Boo: registration problems
Yay: Have bed back
Boo: No swimsuit.
Yay: rehearsals over and free to attend small group.
Boo: Asthma giving me problems
Yay: ENT says vocal chords are in perfect shape! YAY! Free to sing once again!
To sample the stories discussed in the yay above... just go here
http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=MissMuppet&tab=weblogs&uid=112739322
current mood:  cheerful
current music: My Immortal by Evanessence
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| Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
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3:59 pm - Imagination is happiness.
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I get to go to small group tonight! (Does Highland fling jig) YAY!YAY!YAY!
Redlands bowl was way fun times! Check it out this weekend if you can!
Mucho homework to do. not so fab.
Walked around the canyon crest shops today. I went to the children's bookstore, and I remember how much I loved reading when I was younger. I really did. I still do enjooy it, but not quite with the same fervor. I'm anxious to get back to that place, where I got so completely wrapped up in reading. I've always had suckh a vivid imagination. But somewhere along th line I believed it was tim to stop imagining things. I was so wrong! Imagination is a powerful thing. I'm not gonna allow it to be so harnessed anymore. There are no limits there.
~Seacrest OUT!
current mood: happy
current music: Amelie soundtrack
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
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1:19 am - WOW!
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Yay for selling out opening night and standing ovations for every performance! God is so awesome...
I've really had a hard time with the character because I'm not generally a bitter person. The Lord's just made it so clear to me that the only difference between me and the rest of humanity is grace and opportunity.
When the weight of all my dreams is resting heavy on my head
and all the words of help and hope have all been nicely said
I'm still hurtring, wondering if I'll ever be the one I think I am
I think I am
Then You gently re-remind me that You made me from the first
And the more I try to be the best, the more I get the worse
And I realize the good in me is only there because of who You are...
Who You Are...
And all I ever have to be is what You've made me.
And more or less would be a step out of Your plan
As You daily re-create me halp me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find
And all I ever have to be
All I ever have to be
All I have to be
is what You made me.
current mood:  surprised
current music: All I have to Be by Amy Grant
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| Friday, July 16th, 2004
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12:28 pm - A Tale Of Two Cities
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[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<span [...] <i>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <span style="font-size: 30pt; color:#6666FF"<i>A Tale Of Two Cities</i> Opens Today!</span> <span style="font-size: 20pt;">8 P.M. at Rialto Community Players. Check out their website for more info!</span> <!-- code for additional link --> (<a href="http://www.rialtoplayers.com/">Rialto Community Player's Website</a>) <!-- end code for additional link --> <marquee>It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.</marquee> P.S. Due to massive show schedual, there will most likely be a lack of updates. I'm not dead. Just dead tired.
current mood:  anxious
current music: A Tale Of Two Cities Concept recording
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| Thursday, July 15th, 2004
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9:05 am - When you've got good firends
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Source Of Joy OTD: my friends. God's given me a great bunch! They manage just to encourage by being themselves. It's great.
That should balance out yesterday's post for ya...
Seacrest OUT!
current mood: hopeful
current music: Aida Dutch cast...still.
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